A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was in love and the relationship had been going for ten months. I couldn’t ignore that sudden, depressing moment when I knew the chances of our relationship enduring were minimal, even if it felt like pain.
How did I know it was finally time?
I went over the second stipulation of the agreement I created with myself to guide my interpersonal interactions. (In my following post, I’ll explain the first clause.)
You must adhere to your Five Relationship Showstoppers, according to clause number two.
Showstoppers are characteristics a relationship must possess for you to be content. You value show-stoppers because without them, the relationship feels challenging and unsatisfying gsatisfying. Even though it isn’t, the connection seems simple with them.
My headliners are:
- deep love
We enhance each other’s best qualities.
Anything is up for discussion at any time.
I examine my general level of happiness in the relationship more carefully the instant I realize one is absent.
Each of us has a list of requirements we must meet in order to be content in our relationship. The absurd thing is that seldom anyone consciously acknowledges these demands to themselves, much less to their relationships. Most individuals rely on luck and “wing it.”
Yes, that is feasible. But if you didn’t know what you wanted from a business arrangement before you signed it, would you still do it? I don’t understand why individuals risk their hearts in such a way. It is incomprehensible why people continue to be in relationships that rob them of their priceless assets, such as love, passion, honesty, etc.
I’ll admit that when my relationship is under danger, my logical self frequently leaves the room. I know I’m not alone in this because of three conversations about relationships I’ve had just this week. Even when you are aware that being in a relationship has more costs than benefits, leaving someone you love sincerely is the last thing you want to do.
Nobody hates to see their relationships fail.
The majority of us develop a variety of justifications for not intervening because we are afraid of this. But in all honesty, is being in a challenging and uncomfortable relationship preferable to being single and hoping that your true love is out there waiting to meet you? For me, no.
Showstoppers are about maintaining your integrity and your sense of self-respect.
The idea was something I came up with many years ago when I was single and picturing my future partnership. I feel joyful and complete when I visualise this idealised partnership. I have faith that it will lead me during those challenging moments when my current relationship feels off balance and I start to doubt myself.
Showstoppers make us reorder our priorities.
Who doesn’t find our spouses’ quirks annoying when they are constantly around us? A bad mood can make a small problem worse. As long as you are aware of your relationship priorities, you can put these issues in perspective. Work it out or let it go if being with a non-smoker is not a top concern if your husband starts smoking cigars at night and you can’t bear it.
The phrase “showstopper” is disliked by several of my friends. They prefer to let love lead them on a wild adventure since they believe the concept is too organised and not romantic enough. They maintain that no relationship is flawless and that by making their list, they might sabotage a relationship.
They are also hard to find. Exactly. No relationship is ideal or simple to find.
However, a relationship won’t last if we renege on our moral obligations merely to maintain it. Perhaps the phrase is too formal and strict. Create your own phrase that means “my components for a healthy relationship” if you agree.
They are “angels of severe love,” in reality. My showstoppers compel me to remain true to myself despite the fact that my heart and ego might struggle to stay longer.
Yes, breaking up is painful. Who enjoys spending hours sobbing and going through the shock of discovering they are alone once more. But how long do we have to spend with a person who can’t take care of our basic needs? Nobody is to blame for it.
Wait for true love. Although finding it could take more time, the wait will be well worth it.